New Years!

Falling off the face of the earth is my new thing, I guess.

Today is New Years Eve, as you may know. Tomorrow is the start of a new year: 2016. I feel like it was just 2012 (A pretty random year, I know). I am not usually the type to make any real New Years resolutions. In the past, maybe when I was 14, I would make a stupid goal: Get a boyfriend! I look back and realize that was ridiculous. That is not a New Years resolution I should have made. Especially being that that has not yet happened. Sooooo, that was six years ago, and since then, I haven't made any "real" goals for the New Years. But, I feel like that should change. Anyone can make goals. You can make them at anytime. New Years seems like a great time to make them because it IS the start of the new year, and it is a fresh start. No dwelling on the past.

The thing is, I am not so great at making goals. I've tried to write them down, but that never works for me. But this next year, 2016, I am going to try and change that. I'm 20 years old, and I want to figure out what I want to do next with my life. People are always telling me that I am young, and I have a long time to figure out what I want to do. I'm kind-of tired of hearing that, because though 20 is pretty young, I'm growing up, and now is the time to make some decisions.

Ever since I got back from Idaho, I have felt like a nobody. I look around and see all these people doing things with their lifes, while I'm trying to figure out what move to make next. I've been feeling insecure, though I'm trying not to let it show. I've been making some changes in my life; you know, to make me happier. It's been hard because my best friend is in California until this next year, and so I have no one to hang out, and share my thoughts and feelings with. I have no one to go do stupid things with.

As for my Epilepsy, nothing has changed all that much. I have seizures once a month around "that time", and the two I have last about five seconds. I'm fully aware during them, but it's still just as hard.

Something exciting though: My Neurologist told me at my last appointment, that I would probably be able to get my drivers license in the next year. I was confused because the Utah state law is that people with Epilepsy have to go three months without any seizures in order to get their license. My Neurologist told me that that only applies to those people that are not aware during the episodes. I, on the other hand, am fully aware during the seizures.

I am more than ecstatic that this may happen soon, but I am also going to make sure I am comfortable enough before I get my license.

I'm going to make some New Years resoulutions tonight and tomorrow. I am hoping to follow them.

What Does The VNS Sound Like?

Hello all! For the third time, I have fallen off the face of the earth. But!! I have come with something interesting I would like to share with you.

If you read my previous post, you learned a bit about the VNS and what it does. "But," You may ask, "What does it sound like when it goes off?" Well, I am going to show you!

It's definitely frustrating at times for me and very inconvenient. Like I mentioned in the video, I'll be singing a song and my VNS will go off. It sounds like I am dying when it does and it's rather embarrassing.

Overall, it is worth it to me. If I have to go through a voice change every few minutes, then that's that. I find it fascinating that I have a little device inside me. One of my brother-in-laws says I sound like a robot sometimes, and he calls me robo-girl or something like that. When I touch where it is, it feels hard. I have tried getting my dad to touch it, but he goes, "EEEEE!!" My oldest sister loves to touch it, though, so they are very different people.

Not to be cheesy, but I am so grateful I am able to have the VNS. I didn't realize how hard it is for some people to get it. Whether it be your insurance company refusing to pay for it, or not having insurance, it's difficult for some people.