Where to begin...
No, seriously. Where do I start? I never know.
It's been almost two months since my last post, and in case you haven't noticed, I am not the best at keeping up on my blog.
I've always wanted to be a mother. "I want to be a vet and a mom!", I would say as a child. Of course, the occupation always changed, but you get the point. It was when I was 17 years old that I started worrying about pregnancy and how I would even become a mother with having epilepsy. Would I be able to have kids? I knew I would have to change some of the medications I was on to reduce side effects to the baby, and that would probably mean I would have more seizures. But I'd done so much to decrease seizure frequency and if I had to change medications, it'll have been for nothing! I expressed my concerns to my mom but being that I was only 17, she told me that I had plenty of time to figure that out and not to worry about it yet. Of course, those thoughts of motherhood and epilepsy remained in the back of my mind and have never left.
A few months ago, those thoughts began to surface again. Something new was added to my list of fears, however. I am currently trying to work with my hormones to hopefully reduce my seizures. It's been a burden to think about. A few days ago, I went to the library and wanted to see if there were any books on epilepsy and medications. Of course I already knew there wasn't. The only books on epilepsy were one for beginners who know nothing about it, and some picture books for children that is about their friend who is "different". Instead, I opted to look at the pregnancy books. I figured there might be something helpful in those. Boy, was I right! Though epilepsy isn't much of a topic that people care about in this world, the two books I got had a few sections on medications and also on mothers with epilepsy. I've started reading one of them and it's been so helpful. I've learned about how to work with medications when you are wanting to get pregnant and also high risk pregnancies. I learned that a pregnancy where the mother has epilepsy is considered high risk. It just means that they need to monitor it more than a "normal pregnancy". I've always known that I would have to change a few of my medications in order to get pregnant so that the baby doesn't have any defects, but this book has given me more insight into what I need to do in order to start that process when the time comes.
Up until this last week, I was terrified at the thought of having epilepsy and getting pregnant. So many woman with epilepsy have perfectly normal babies, but I was nervous that I would not be able to figure out how to navigate around the difficult parts. Luckily, the main doctor I am seeing right now is a fertility specialist and endocrinologist. I know that I will be just fine.
