Uhm. So it's been forever. Seriously. Forever. I guess I could say a lot has happened. Nothing big, but still.
Life is mostly the same. No job. No license. The Epilepsy is still here and it's not going anywhere. It's kind-of one big circle of repetition.
I've been pretty down lately. There's a lot of factors that go into that and I bet you can guess one of them. That's right: Epilepsy. It doesn't help that I have anxiety and depression to go along with that. I've been so exhausted from life.
I calculated how many miligrams of medication I take a day and it disturbs me. I've done it before, but because I've had two more medications added to the three I already had, I figured it out again. So, after adding up all of my medications, I now take 5,050 mg. of medications a day. That does not include supplements.
In the morning I take Keppra XR and Zoloft and at night I take Oxtellar XR, Lamictal XR, and Trazodone. The Zoloft is for depression and anxiety, and the Trazedone is for insomnia. The supplements I take are: Fish Oil, Vitamin D3, Vitamin C, Magnisium, Vitamin K, and Folic Acid. The Folic Acid is especially important for me because the anti-convulsant medications I take drain the Folic Acid out of my body. Therefore, I must put it back in. Honestly, I get quite frustrated from having to put all of these medications inside my body.
On the side of taking my main medications and supplements, I also have Lorazepam which I take when I have seizure clusters. I always swipe my VNS magnet, but if I happen to have the Lorazepam, I take that also. Along with that, I occasionally take Zofran. It is for when I have nausea. I don't take that one too often.
I don't actually know what this post is supposed to be about. Maybe it's just a ramble post. I'm sure it won't make sense to me once I am well-rested again.
This all sounds so familiar to me. I really can identify with how you are feeling, and what you've been going through. It's hard - I know. But we have to always do our best to find a bright side to what we're experiencing. The seizures, the auras, the medications, the anxiety.... it all takes a toll. Just know that you aren't alone. Also, the day will come when you will begin to find reasons to be grateful for what you're going through right now. Yeah, I know that's really hard to believe right now, but trust me - that day will come. I've had epilepsy since I was a child, and it wasn't until I was in my thirties that I discovered a reason to be thankful for my epilepsy. I came to realize that if it hadn't had been for my epilepsy, I wouldn't be where I am in life today. Years ago I would never have believed that. So, keep in mind, there's a reason and God has a plan for you.
ReplyDeleteThank you! I really appreciate that! There are random times that I feel like I am grateful for my epilepsy, but other times I am mad at the world. I'm hoping it does get better.
DeleteHope all gets better for you, myself Im doing good going on 16 yrs sz free but will always remain on medicine and I dont care, Im not going to want to stop takeing either, I read people that done that there sz come back in time,I been taking Brand Lamictal and brand tegretol sine taking got sz free, hope someday they find a cure for all of us, Till next time take care and stay positive, Terry
ReplyDeleteWow that is amazing! I'm happy for you!! I hope that happens for me one day!
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