About two months ago, I went six weeks without having any seizures. I am not sure why, but I was conflicted. Happy because obviously I was not having seizures, but also upset because I knew it would not last. When the seizures started up again, I was discouraged. Even if I had gone without seizures for three months, I would have felt the same way. Almost like I was cheated.
It has been almost nine years since my first seizure. Throughout the years, I have gone through stages. By that, I mean stages of mind. For the first year or two I would break down every time I had a seizure. The first year was grand mal seizures, which I would come out of crying. The second year was when I got more medication and was able to control the grand mals, so I would have complex-partials. Even with those, I would cry when I had them. It always happened that way. As the years past, I stopped getting so emotional from the seizures. I have grown used to it. Every once in a while, I will get overwhelmed while I am having them, but overall, I am fine.
The point I am trying to get at is that I now realize I was beating myself up after I went six whole weeks without seizures. The fact is, I should have been excited! I have not gone that long without a seizure in years! They have definitely decreased in size and are not as frequent as before, but frankly, this is a big achievement. In general, we as people tend to look at the bad side of things instead of good. A perfect example is when I went six weeks seizure-free! It was incredible that I had gone so long with no seizures, but when I did have one, I only thought of the bad side, and sulked. I really should have been excited that I had gone so long without one, instead of thinking I would never be truly seizure-free.
The thing is, we all have our issues. I am telling you, it is SO easy to only look at the bad side of things. Sometimes it takes a clear mind to sort through all of those files.
I know we all adapt to our circumstances,but as a parent,it's hard to hear about what you have to go through,and as special as you already are, I can't even imagine how special you will become in the coming years.
ReplyDeleteI appreciate that! I've definitely gotten stronger over the years.
DeleteKeep your head up Sara. As bad as it is for anyone, just remember it could always be worse. I have had General Epilepsy since birth and have no idea what the meaning of the word normal even is.. ive gone 9 months without a Gran-mal and then all the sudden allergies kicked in and I had a really bad attack. i have had 64 seizures in one month before and other times its gotten so bad ,3 times actually, i died and had to be resuscitated. the doctors call me a walking miracle. but i got like 28 allergies and believe me it sucks. ive basically made it a part of my day if i have a seizure I'm so used to it. id break down and cry if someone said they actually had a way to get rid of my seizures. i can definitely relate to your situation. i wouldn't want to wish them on anyone.
ReplyDeleteWow. I am so sorry! I feel bad complaining now! You really are a walking miracle.
DeleteHello all, my name is Justin and I have had epilepsy since I was a baby. its generalized and nothing can be done to get rid of it so far. if you have a similar case than just know you aren't alone. I have 28 allergies, which adds to the stress of epilepsy, and the vns doesn't work either. finally going to get the aspire sr and I pray to God that it works..
ReplyDeleteEpilepsy has had such an effect on my life but I do believe that all things are for a reason, other times I am commonly like others and I want to break down and cry. other times I wish I wasn't around at all, and then other times I keep thinking I know I was put here for a purpose and that keeps me going. My first large seizure I had was when I was 10 years old. so I have been having the large seizures for at least 19 years.
Though so blessed in my life i feel like i had such a negative effect on everyone i get in contact with so theres really nothing positive i could say about that. Ask how my day has been and i would probably say same things different day, because i don't do anything because i have a type of phobia about something making me have a seizure and i know it sounds pathetic but it is true.
anyway that is my story and i just wanted influence people that have better cases than i that it gets better and that there are people that have worse cases so be thankful for what you have. so hold your head high and keep on looking forward because it is not a good thing to look in the rear view mirror and see your past....
Hi, Sara! Just wanted to say great post! It always helps to look at the good side, no matter how bad the bad side might seem! By the way, it's Joy I finally figured out how to leave a comment!
ReplyDeletehey! It is definitely true. It is so hard to look at the good side of things when everything bad seems to be happening.
DeleteSara, I've nominated you (your blog) for a new tag, the SMILE tag. Check it out at http://wwww.findingjoy568.wordpress.com
ReplyDeleteAwesome! Do I need to make a Wordpress account?
ReplyDelete