Handling Side Effects

When you think of medicine, you think of something that will make you feel better. You get it when you are temporarily sick and you also take it long term if you need to, just like me.

Obviously I take medications because if I do not, I will have seizures everyday.

Everybody has the freedom to choose what they want. I hate taking medications, so really, I could just say, "Nope. Not going to take them anymore". But, that would be a really stupid choice. From past experience, I know that if I forget one day of medications, I have a Grand Mal seizure. So, unless I want to go through that, I can't go off my medications.

In the past, I have told you all about my double vision experiences. That happened because I was taking Trileptal. The only time it went away was when I went on the Extended Release, "Oxtellar XR". That double vision was one of the worst things I've experienced. I never got out of bed because I couldn't see. I had to miss out on things that I would have really liked to have done. So, when my insurance finally approved our request, it was hallelujah for everyone.

Ever since I was a kid, I have had some tremors. My hands just shake sometimes. I have been noticing it more in the past year and I am starting to wonder if one of my medications is contributing to the tremors I already have. It could be one of the two new medications I started a few months ago: Trazodone or Zoloft.

When I was going to college in Idaho this past year, that was when the whole double vision thing was so bad. I already had zero friends. I was couped up in my bed till 1 pm. I felt so alone. No wait, I WAS so alone. I never thought the double vision would go away. My insurance was refusing to pay for the Oxtellar XR and we were not going to pay $1,000 a month for it. But when we kept pushing our insurance for it, it payed off.

Even though I am on Oxtellar XR now, I have learned that whenever I take my night medications at midnight or later, I wake up with double vision. It's happened ever since I started Trazodone and Zoloft a few months ago. But only if I take my night medications at midnight or later. I will tell you that it is so frustrating and tiring. I finally have the double vision under control and then if I take my night medications late, it happens in the morning. It feels like no matter how hard I try, it always goes downhill.

I've always felt so alone with my side effects. I've felt like nobody has ever had them as bad as I have.

What has kept me going is not one of those cliche inspirational quotes that people always say: "It's hope that keeps me going!" Yeah....NO. I just keep going because it's all I can do. I have to live with whatever side effects I have to experience. Having depression and anxiety in the mix has definitely not helped, but all I can say is that I have made it through everything that has been thrown at me.