About two months ago, I went six weeks without having any seizures. I am not sure why, but I was conflicted. Happy because obviously I was not having seizures, but also upset because I knew it would not last. When the seizures started up again, I was discouraged. Even if I had gone without seizures for three months, I would have felt the same way. Almost like I was cheated.
It has been almost nine years since my first seizure. Throughout the years, I have gone through stages. By that, I mean stages of mind. For the first year or two I would break down every time I had a seizure. The first year was grand mal seizures, which I would come out of crying. The second year was when I got more medication and was able to control the grand mals, so I would have complex-partials. Even with those, I would cry when I had them. It always happened that way. As the years past, I stopped getting so emotional from the seizures. I have grown used to it. Every once in a while, I will get overwhelmed while I am having them, but overall, I am fine.
The point I am trying to get at is that I now realize I was beating myself up after I went six whole weeks without seizures. The fact is, I should have been excited! I have not gone that long without a seizure in years! They have definitely decreased in size and are not as frequent as before, but frankly, this is a big achievement. In general, we as people tend to look at the bad side of things instead of good. A perfect example is when I went six weeks seizure-free! It was incredible that I had gone so long with no seizures, but when I did have one, I only thought of the bad side, and sulked. I really should have been excited that I had gone so long without one, instead of thinking I would never be truly seizure-free.
The thing is, we all have our issues. I am telling you, it is SO easy to only look at the bad side of things. Sometimes it takes a clear mind to sort through all of those files.
