2016 was a rough year for me. Not only then, but now. I have felt completely vulnerable, like I have no clue what I want. Now I know some of you are probably thinking, "Sara, you don't need to have your life figured out just yet!" or "You're so young! You have plenty of time!" As I appreciate the support from those people, I don't feel like that, because I'm not 18 anymore. I used to tell people that I was going back to college, and that was pretty much my default answer. Almost four years later, that is no longer the case. I am not in college now. I am a nanny, all the way across the country.
As I said, I have felt like I should know what I want to do. I see the people I went to high school with. I see them dating, getting married, and having kids! It's not that I want those things now, but it still bothers me. One of those "irrational" thoughts, you could say. However, a few months ago, one of my sisters called me up, and sounded hesitant. She told me she had a "big favor" to ask. She asked me if I would be willing to be her son's nanny for a few months. I immediately said yes, knowing that that was what I needed to do then. At the time, I had been looking for jobs, but I could not get hired for the life of me. I believe it was a blessing. At the end of February, I flew out to Kentucky and moved in with my sister, her husband, and her son. I had been there for a couple weeks, when I packed up and drove up to Ohio to visit my other sister for a few weeks. She has two kids, and I was able to take care of them a bit. After that, I went BACK to Kentucky to finish my nanny job for about a month and a half. I am now at my sisters in Ohio, as her nanny. CONFUSION, I know. It has been an exhausting few months, but I am so happy that I am here. It has been so fun being with my family.
Stress is one of the triggers for seizures, and I have definitely had a lot of stress. Lack of sleep is one of them, too. I've had to learn how to discipline myself, because one way or another, I have a job to do. I have to wake up every morning and babysit. It's my duty. A few months ago, I would not have been able to do this. I could barely wake up before 10 in the morning. As I said, stress and lack of sleep are big triggers for me, and I have had plenty of them, not including my regular clusters that occur once a month. It's hard, yes. But, I have powered through it, and I am proud of myself.
Something different.
I'm going to talk about one of my nephews, E. He has always been a special baby. Always sweet and loving, and I love him more than anything. When he was born, we found out he had a ton of allergies. He wasn't able to have regular formula. It had to be this expensive formula called Alimentum made by Similac. It had to be the liquid formula because he was allergic to dairy and soy, which is found in the powdered version. A bottle of it is about $10.99 at any store. I remember following my sister around and she would buy every bottle on the shelf. As E has grown older, he has had troubles with his allergies. One tough ride. He has trouble sleeping, and will cry and cry for up to an hour. My sister has known he has behavior issues, but when her family moved to Ohio, she wanted to get a diagnosis if she could. After some tests, the doctors were able to determine without a doubt, that E has autism. It wasn't a big deal for me, because I knew he had behavior issues, but hearing that word, "autism", threw me off a bit. I will tell you, though. Nothing has changed whatsoever.
I used to be uncomfortable around people with disabilities. This was up until I was diagnosed with epilepsy. I did not like "different". It made me nervous. However, my perspective changed completely once I learned that I, too, had a disability. It's made me be able to empathize with people who are different. Not just people who have seizures.
It is only natural for people to feel uncomfortable with something "different". People get scared and that is okay. That is how it was with me. However, the more knowledge you gain about something, the less nervous you are. Having been one who has had a disability for almost nine years now, I've learned that it is nothing to be afraid of. I am grateful that I am able to be around my nephew because I am learning so much about autism. My mom has worked around people with not only autism, but all sorts of disabilities, and I have gained a lot of knowledge from her. As I play with E, it's so fun learning. I have never known sign language, (besides the alphabet) but now I have learned a couple of "phrases" such as, "I love you". I taught him how to sign it, and he will actually sign some of it back every once in a while.
It's not about the autism. It's not about the disability. It's about the person and some things that have to be accommodated to help them. Yes, I have epilepsy, and it's tough. However, I am no different from anyone else. Yes, there are things that I cannot do. I cannot drive, but that is a positive thing because if I did, I might crash, and I could seriously injure or even kill someone. That goes for me, too.
