My fertility endocrinologist got up and left her job without telling me, as I found out by calling to make an appointment with her. Evidently she left at the beginning of February, and not only left her office but the entire university. Luckily I was planning on stopping the hormone therapy I am currently on, so I don't need to worry about someone refilling the medications, but the fact that nobody told me that my doctor was quitting? I found out from a random guy who was just a scheduler. He didn't actually work for anyone. The conversation: "Yeah, I need to make an appointment with Dr. ____" I told the random guy who answered. "Okay, let me check her schedule and see when she has openings." I waited. "I can't seem to find her schedule. Maybe she hasn't updated it yet." "Uh..." I didn't know what to say to that. "Let me look some more." I waited, thinking how ridiculous it was that they didn't have an actual nurse talking to me. "Okay, it looks like Dr. _____ left her job on February 3rd. She left the university completely." SHOCKED. "Okay.... uh...." The man went on to ask me if I wanted him to find another doctor to replace her. I told him I would think about it. Here's the thing, though. I didn't seek this doctor out. She reached out to me through my neurologist and wanted to look at my case being that she deals with hormones and catamenial epilepsy is the type of epilepsy I have. I'll have to depend on my neurologist from now on. No more shots, no more wearing patches, and possibly no progesterone. Who knows what will happen! I am nervous, but that's nothing new for me.
I will be seeing my neurologist in April. Unfortunately since this isn't just a follow up from a previous appointment, I have to wait quite a while to see her. When I do though, there are some things we need to talk about. You all know that I have a Vagal Nerve Stimulator (VNS) implanted in my chest and neck to help control my seizures. Well this last June, I was told that I had 50% of the battery left and that it would be about a year and a half until the battery was dead. If I wanted to get it replaced I would have to do so before it died completely, otherwise I would have to start the entire process over again. When I meet with her, it'll have been almost a year since my last appointment, when means that I will most likely need to schedule a time to have the replacement surgery. Am I nervous? Yes. Yes I am. I got my VNS implanted on September 23rd 2014 and it was painful afterwards. Any surgery is, right? This was particularly hard because it was my vagus nerve involved, and it was hard to breathe. This replacement surgery shouldn't be as bad as they are only taking out the battery in my chest, and leaving my neck alone. Even when people get a VNS removed permanently they always leave the lead (wire) in their neck because of the danger involved in moving around the vagus nerve. I worry a lot in general. I've been thinking about the first surgery and also the hospital that performed it. Being that I am no longer seeing the neurologist there, I will most likely be having the surgery up at the university. I know it'll be okay, but I really hate surgery. I overthink everything and it doesn't help that surgery in general is pretty intense.
Last August I moved out of my apartment and have been living at my parents house. It's been difficult because I cannot work and I have applied for disability. However, it's painful waiting for months while the government goes through my medical history and takes their time while I am not doing anything. I would love to have disability because having no job is awful and I have no income. Being 24 and having people drive you everywhere has been one of the more difficult things for me to face because I was 16 years old over eight years ago and should have been able to get my drivers license. I know I'm not the only one who doesn't drive, but it's not enjoyable to feel like a burden to others and not being able to do anything about it. I've had times where my mom would be exhausted and needed something at the store. I should have been able to say, "Hey, don't worry. I'll take the car and get it for you." Instead I say, "I wish I could. I would do it for you in a heartbeat."
For the first time in a while I am looking forward to meeting with my neurologist because I need some answers. I've been experiencing seizures on a more regular basis and I'm quite tired of it, mentally and physically. You don't need to have a grand mal (tonic clonic) seizure to be exhausted. Because my medications control the grand mal seizures, I only have simple partials. Whether it be a cluster of seizures like I normally have or just one or two, it's electricity in your brain. If that doesn't make you wiped out, I don't know what will.
