20th Birthday/Simple Partial Seizures

Today is a joyous day. Okay, well it is joyous because it is my 20th birthday. Yay! I celebrated it with my sister and my brother-in-law at Lagoon. Lagoon is a rollarcoaster park type thing. I had such a great time with them, but about halfway through, we were standing in line to take the Sky Lift across the park, and I felt an aura. I knew it was a seizure coming on, but I was hoping I would be able to cover it up, making it less noticeable. That did not happen.

You see, there is a difference between how I feel in a seizure, and what it looks like. People who know I have seizures often tell me that if they didn't know I had seizures, they would never had known I had one. See, it is hard for me to believe because when I have them, they feel noticeable. Let me tell you about Simple Partial seizures.

Simple Partial seizures are where only a small portion of the brain's neurons are freaking out, therefore, causing a seizure. Unlike Grand Mal seizures, they do not all look the same for everyone. For me, I clench my left fist, opening and closing it. I stare off into space, my eyes glazed. Often times my eye starts twitching. That might not seem like a big deal, but it is to the person having the seizure. Other people with Simple Partial seizures may have it different. There are various movements someone could make.

So as I was saying, I was standing in line with my sister and her husband, and I started having a Simple Partial seizure. My sister asked me if I was okay, not realizing I was having a seizure. My brother-in-law moved his hand back and forth in front of my face, asking if I was okay. I told them it was a seizure, and that it was okay. The thing is, even though I was perfectly fine, a persons reaction is to ask a bunch of times if I am okay. It used to bother me because people would act like I had no idea how I felt, and that I really wasn't okay. I no longer get upset over it because no matter what, people are going to say that. We got onto the Sky Lift, and my cluster of seizures began. With me, I don't just have one seizure. I have a cluster, which means about four or five. They hurt my head after a while, and I get really nauseated. It didn't help that I had just drank tons of soda, and had air in my stomach. I felt so stupid because I kept having them next to my brother-in-law, and it would get awkward because of the silence. He tried to keep the conversation going, but what is someone supposed to say when someone is having a seizure? After we got off at the other side of the park, I told my sister about the seizures I had had. She was kind and asked if I wanted to wait to go on rides, but being me, I didn't want to wait. It was okay.

Shortly after all of that, I was walking to a ride, and I realized that I had my VNS magnet with me! "Are you kidding me? I have my magnet? Why didn't I use it?" I asked myself outloud. I asked my sister if she wanted to swipe my magnet for me. She did, and she thought it was a little weird.

I was fine after the magnet was swiped. Later, my brother-in-law and I were standing in line to ride, "Cannibal", this amazing, crazy, scary ride, and I started having more seizures. He was buying stuff to eat, and so I was standing there by myself, trying to not be noticed by the people around me. These young boys kept turning to look at me. I never can get used to people staring. It makes me want to hide in a shell. When I have my seizures, I have to think about how it looks to the people around me, and I have to accomodate my actions. That doesn't make a whole lot of sense, but let me try to explain more. When I have seizures, I think about what people may think as they look at me. I tell myself to act natural, and I try to stand still and focus my eyes ahead, so it is not noticeable. It is exhausting trying to do that. It's hard to do so because it doesn't always work. This is not one of those things that I can control.

My birthday was so much fun. I loved being with my sister and her husband because they are amazing and so understanding. It's a good thing I was with family for that, because only a certain number of people know how to react to my seizures.

Epilepsy is a sensitive topic. It really embarrasses me, and whenever I tell people I am embarrassed, they don't listen to me. They just tell me to "not be". Gee, thanks. I will take your advice and put my feelings aside.

Overall, I had an amazing birthday!!