I had made it through "that time of month" with no seizures. That is the time I have my monthly cluster of seizures. I was fairly excited that I had had none. A few days after my cycle had ended, I was watching some YouTube videos, and I had some seizures. Nothing too bad, just the usual. However, my heart began to pound and I freaked out a little bit. I felt sick and had some strange feelings that I cannot describe. I texted my sister, but she was asleep, so I decided to deal with it on my own. I knew that I needed to take my medications, but I was afraid they would come right back up. Finally, I swallowed them, and I went to bed, breathing hard. The next morning, I went upstairs to take my morning medications, and I looked at the spot from the night before. Most of the medications were still there. I had only taken two of the pills. Only 1200 mg, when it's supposed to be 2300 mg. I knew that wasn't good, but worse had happened, and I knew I would just have to deal with the seizures. Unfortunately, early afternoon, I was lying in bed, and I felt a seizure coming on. However, it was not a simple-partial seizure. It was a grand mal. I knew that feeling. The jumping feeling in my stomach. The out of body feeling. There was no echo, because nobody was there to talk. My heart was beating hard and fast. After it was over, my body was in shock. I wanted to text my sister who was upstairs, but my cognitive functions were not working well enough. When I was finally able to text her, she came right down, and helped me.
Shortly after the seizure, I had to start packing because we were going to drive to Kentucky. I had never had to do something so fast after a grand mal. Whenever I have had one, I rest all day. I had no choice this time. However, my cognitive functions were still askew. My brain could not wrap itself around the fact that I needed to pack. My sister eventually came down to see if I was done, which I was not even close to. I had about four pieces of clothing in my bag. It was scary to not know how to do anything. The rest of the day was hard as well. I wanted to talk, but the words couldn't form well. My brain was fried.
I had a grand mal seizure just three months after I had my VNS implanted. It was not turned up very high, so it did not do a whole lot. However, this last grand mal, I noticed a huge difference. I didn't twist my body to the left. No twisting at all. It wasn't as long, which was interesting. Usually I don't have an idea of how long they last, but I knew this time. I am so grateful I have the VNS.
In previous posts I have discussed how grand mal seizures wipe ALL of your energy from your body. It has been two days, and I am STILL exhausted. My body aches and I want to sleep all the time. It is definitely better than before, though. Over the past almost nine years, I have learned more than I ever thought was possible. I know that things happen that are out of my control at times. Grand mal seizures are by far, the scariest things I have ever gone through, However, I know that I am stronger than I have ever been. Never would I have thought that this would happen to me. 12 year old Sara thought that she would grow up and be able to drive at 16. She thought that she would just be a normal person who never in her wildest thoughts would be epileptic. Things change in the blink of an eye, though. And that is okay. We get through it. We get stronger everyday, no matter how difficult it is.
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